Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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