I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
