Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
