Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
