They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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