Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
