Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
