i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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