winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
