Already got asked if we're dating
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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