she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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