In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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