she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize