It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
