Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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