I wanna bring you to show and tell
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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