If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
