Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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