There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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