my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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