someone threw a dead crab at me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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