the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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