Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
