Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
