Can Purell be used as lube?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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