she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
