i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
