I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
