My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
