Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
