he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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