we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
