either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
