So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
