you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
