You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
