i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize