I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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