If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
