Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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