You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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