trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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