My balls are so social today.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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