i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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