Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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