is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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