We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
