so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
