the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize