and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He passed out mid-signature
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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