just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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