i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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