How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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