If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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