I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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