so that wasnt chicken after all
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
