dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
