dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize