I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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