Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
