im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
