I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
