she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
