When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
