Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
