It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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