trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
