She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
