I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
