Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
