At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
