We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
