mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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