my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
