his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize