Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
