Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
