I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
