its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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