I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
