my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
