So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
