I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
