The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize