Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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