why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
