I wish I could teleport
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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