he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
