Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish I could teleport
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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