We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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