I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
