Your face is a jimmy john
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
