so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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