One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
