What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
