It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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