he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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