I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
